1 - LET'S STOP USING THE WORD "LIKE" AS A SPACE FILLER
This 'ism probably dates back to the early nineties and should have died well before we all were presumed to have our own hover boards. It has certainly grown from the gum chewing, hair twirling valley girls at Bayside into the mouths of elected officials. Public speaking has been infiltrated, and any "..um" space has only been replaced with "...like, um.." The proper way to stall is to not say anything. At the very least just start the sentence over. But, to like say like the word "like" like twenty times in a sentence is like getting pretty annoying. Then again, so are the people who count the "likes" (I'm very guilty).
On a side note: it really is possible that stories can be told in a way that captures a subject's mood without sounding like an idiot. For instance:
Before 2011 - "So, I was like "what?!" and she was all like "oh, you know."
Starting 2011 - "So, she rudely asked me what I was talking about, so I said, "Oh, you know."
2 - LET'S STOP MAKING SONGS THAT SPELL OUT WORDS
To my knowledge, ever since iTunes has ruled the music purchasing world, the $.99 download has been the hot item. Some artist's are cranking out music by the litter, and they're all geniuses because the public gobbles them all up. Its demand and supply. There is a need for a catchy tune with a fun chorus to sing, so artists just make a beat and throw something together. If you have a tough time selling, then throw in some autotune and call it a day. Its as easy as "I'm on a Boat."
The annoying thing is that too many songs have filled up space by spelling words. It started off tasteful, but then it got ridiculous, and it hasn't grown any better. Think of all the songs that fit this mold:
Aretha Franklin - "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"
Bay City Rollers - "S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!"
Autovac - "R-O-CK in the U-S-A"
Partners in Kryme - "T-U-R-T-L-E POWER"
Fergie - "G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S"
Gwen Stefani - "B-A-N-A-N-A-S"
Webbie - "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T"
Jason Derulo - "S-O-L-O"
Please no more.
3 - LET'S STOP SPEAKING ACRONISTICALLY
Acronyms are given to phrases or multi-word names in order to shorten them for ease of communication. This can either be written or spoken communication. For instance, "self contained underwater breathing apparatus" was given the acronym SCUBA, and "light amplification stimulated by emission of radiation" was given the acronym LASER. In both cases, the letters making up the acronym have created a new word. This is how it is done. The acronym OMG was conceived in order to ease text type, which is understandable. But when did it become cool to say "Oh em gee?" There's really no logical reason to ever say it because the acronym spoken as letters uses the same amount of syllables as the words themselves. To speak the letters of WTF is actually using more work than its word association - its actually two more syllables. If its a matter of preservation of little ears, then I'm sure its a lost cause because those ears are on either side of an inquisitive mind, and you will then have to lie and say the "F" stands for fruit. Besides, its easier just say "What the F?" Sadly, its only getting worse. We're already making reference to television shows by speaking their acronyms - where can we ever draw the line if we don't nip this in the bud right now? I admit that I sometimes have a lot of fun with this, but I feel that I need to stop.
4 - LET'S START BEING MORE TECH-CURTEOUS TO EACHOTHER
I admit that when I'm driving down the road and I see another person texting in the car next to me, I get pretty upset. I'm not very confident in that particular person's ability to control a motor vehicle with two eyes back and forth from the road to the phone. However, I have full confidence that I can effectively knee steer while tying the laces on my left shoe as I'm running late. In light of the texting while walking accident, I feel like we've hit our low point. The technology hype has had its time to come and go. Our excitement with the new toys can understandably take over every waking moment. With the start of the new decade, lets be smart and tell these gizmos whos boss. Lets put them down and be curteous to eachother. All of us have horns for emergencies, and not for hipocritical anger. Some people are in a hurry, and some people are just out for a cruise, but we're all part of the same traffic. I'm going to start leaving earlier to make sure I can have enough time to get where I'm going, and I'm going to act like the driver that I want you to be. I encourage everyone to adopt the same behavior.
5 - LET'S ELIMINATE TROPHIES FOR PARTICIPATION
No child left behind is, in some ways, similar to coddling. Tell me how hearing "You're not a loser, you're just the last winner" makes a kid feel any better. And how does the kid who put in the extra effort feel about getting a trophy for winning when its only slightly bigger than the 5th place trophy. There's no incentive to work hard because everyone is basically equal. Competitions are starting to become as socialized as the government. I understand that in some cases its about an organization making money, but how about being popular with prestige and not by offering fabulous prizes?
Lets go back to a trophy for first place, a medal for second and third, and participation ribbons for everyone else - if they're lucky. This is what builds character.
My intent here is not to be negative. Its tough love, I suppose. Lets throw out everything that has spoiled. 'cause we're starting to rot. Lets look back and laugh at the silliness that was the Double-Os, or the Oughts, or the '90s extended..
